Monday, December 13, 2010

The Week of the Christmas Concert

Twas the week of the Christmas Concert and all through the school
Not a student was obeying a single school rule.
The little ones were fussing, the big ones were rude...
the teachers were grumpy, and, yes, fussing, too.

The schedules were changing again every minute,
you never quite knew how the others would spin it!

The practices, how endless!  The lines were so wrong!
The students had seemed to forget every song.
Then I, with my whistle, and evil glare of death,
while avoiding a tantrum and taking a deep breath...


NO, you CAN'T use the bathroom, you CAN'T get a drink...
I DON'T want to hear it, please, let me THINK!"

Then, what to my angry blue eyes did appear?
A cat, in a hat, with a box, and a beard?

No, not a cat, nor a hat, box, or beard...
...just another dear friend who was acting quite weird!
The students were awestruck, but still acted absurd,
while I hoped and prayed that my tantrum wasn't heard!

And later this day, what could happen next?
I encountered a teacher, who was really quite vexed.
My students, you see, had not behaved well,
in French class you'd think they'd been under a spell!

They clucked and they snored, while supposed to be singing
their French song, MUSIC, was supposed to be ringing.
One little "angel", smacked her head on the table...
...over and over for as long as she was able.

The French teacher growled as only French teachers do,
while out in the hallway I heard something new.

"Drop and do push-ups!" A teacher did cry,
so I peeked 'round the corner in order to spy.
Her students, how naughty, her patience was gone.
Alas, it was thus through the school since dawn.

So what might come next?  What atrocities wait?
What new evil could befall on tomorrow's date?
We wait and we wonder, while hitting our heads...
...perhaps all the teachers should be put onto meds.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Spiders and Seventh Grade

It's not very often that I give over this blog to the "Big Kids" at my school...the seventh and eighth graders who have a music class with me once a week.  However, today is one of those days!  At the time it was rather embarrassing...but now it's just hilarious!

To set the scene:

Music Class.  End of the Day.  Practicing for the Christmas Concert.

Seventh Grade Girl, a Drama Queen by nature, keeps jumping out of her chair, squealing. Over and over again.

What does a teacher do?  Get frustrated!  And, of course, try to find out what is going on.  She informs me of the following offense.  The seventh grade boy beside her keeps dangling a spider right in front of her.  I tell him to knock it off, tell her to calm down, we carry on.

Only, it doesn't end.  She keeps right on squealing and jumping.  Frankly, I've had enough.  I march over to the boy, fully believing that he is just teasing her, and that there isn't a spider.  I extend my hand and insist that he give me whatever it is that he has.  The whole class freezes.  What will happen?

He opens his hand and drops the item onto my palm.  I look down and scream, tossing the offending item, a brown spider, as far as I can, then order him to "go get it and GET RID OF IT!"

He starts to laugh.  And laugh.  And laugh some more.  The child could hardly breathe as he walked over, picked up the spider...and begins to unravel it.  Yes, the spider was nothing more than some brown thread, tangled and crumpled to resemble a spider.

The class erupts.  Chaos ensues.  Even the "good kids" are just DYING!  I, too, begin to laugh.  What else could I do?

Fortunately, the class was nearly over.  Fifteen minutes of giggles and requests to "do it again, Miss Gerber, in SLOW MOTION!" with helpful reminders of exactly what I  had looked and sounded like was quite enough.

But truly, if I'd thought of it and had thought that I could pull it off?  *sigh*

Ahhhh...the power of suggestion.  And spiders.  And Seventh Grade Boys.

Monday, December 6, 2010

Report Cards...

Number One Reason for having fewer grades in a classroom...fewer different report cards to deal with!