New Year's Resolutions...Grades Five and Six

More funnies from the grade 5 and 6 students!  They were assigned (as a time filler after the rest of the Social Studies material for today was covered) a worksheet titled "My New Year's Resolutions" with the task of filling in at least two resolutions in each category on the page.  I present to you the highest highlights in each category!  Spelling and grammar are unchanged (and yes, I'm shaking my head over some of it, too!).

Resolutions to live a healthier life:
Do not eat candy.
Work out.
Shower a couple times every week.
Do a work out

Resolutions to help my parents:
Sower every day (shower)
Behave and obey
Do better to clean out the house

Resolutions to do well in school:
Right neter
Lern how to spel  (hahahhah.....*cough*...hahahha!  Same student for both of these so far...)
Don't slack off in my work.
Write neeter
Do my homework at night and not get homework

Resolutions to live a happier life:
Sower more (shower)
eat good
Lose a couple of pounds
Don't argue with my brothers
Get all Pokemon in Pokemon Heart Gold
Play more games
No homework

Resolutions to be good to my friends:
be nice
be good
Help my friends with there problems
Be nicer
go to their birthday

Resolutions to protect the environment:
Don't leter
conseve energe
Don't step on plants.  Except for grass.

Resolutions to be a good citizen:
Save power
Help the Citizen in the Town

Life According to Grades 5/6

Life According to 5/6 Grade Students:

Humour abounds when discussing the “olden days” with kids.  Today’s discussion was an introduction to electricity and the role it plays in life.  The corresponding assignment required students to think of five electrical appliances, describe their purposes, and then tell what people did before they had electricity.  The students took this very seriously...and fortunately I decided to not even glance carefully at the answers until the kids were gone!  

Highlights:
(wonky formatting!  The responses are in the following pattern:

Appliance
Purpose
What People Did Before Electricity )

Razor                                     

Get rid of facial hair                          

They didn’t

Toaster                                  

Make toast                                          

Did not make toast

Kettle                                     

Boil water                                             

Didn’t boil water

Microwave                          

Warm stuff up                                   

Didn’t warm stuff up

Microwave                          

So you can eat                                    

No way to warm up food

Coffee Maker                     

Makes coffee                                     

Didn’t make coffee

Internet                                

Shows funny stuff                            

They would hunt

Video Games                      

Play stuff                                              

They built houses

Stereo                                   

Fun                                                         

Work

And....my personal favourite...

TV                                           

Shows the world                              

They probably threw stones

"Why I'm Not Going to French Today"

Today's laugh is a long one...brought to you courtesy of a small girl who didn't want to go to French.  My response to her insistence on this point was "If you aren't going to French, you have to write a letter to the French teacher explaining your reason.  It has to be six pages long, because you are six years old."  It sounds harsh, I know, and the other students chose going to French over this "torture"...but this little one took me up on it.  She did convince me, however, that six pages was long enough that I needed to write her words down for her.  I was practically shaking as I tried to contain my giggles.  The letter is, as follows, exactly as it was dictated to me.


"Dear Mrs. Wood,
I've learned enough for awhile and so I am going to skip French, but I'll do it next French day.

And, I will try my ardest and listen as good as I can.

But, some of my work might not be as good as you think, so I will try my hardest.

I will do what you say and I will try my hardest to do that.  If you give me a treat if I'm very good I will not take it.  I will give it to someone who's very very bad at their work because I'm a nice person.

Because they will be nice to me because I was nice to them, but they might not.  If they are not nice to me still I will treat them even better so they might do it.

If they still aren't nice, I will still treat them nicely and maybe one day they will be nice to me.  So, that is why I'm not going to French.

O."


I'm sending a copy home with her Mom.  This deserves to be saved!

The Week of the Christmas Concert

Twas the week of the Christmas Concert and all through the school
Not a student was obeying a single school rule.
The little ones were fussing, the big ones were rude...
the teachers were grumpy, and, yes, fussing, too.

The schedules were changing again every minute,
you never quite knew how the others would spin it!

The practices, how endless!  The lines were so wrong!
The students had seemed to forget every song.
Then I, with my whistle, and evil glare of death,
while avoiding a tantrum and taking a deep breath...

LOST IT!

"SIT DOWN AND BE QUIET!  DON'T BE SO DARN MEAN!
I TOLD YOU TO LISTEN, YES I AM THE QUEEN!
NO, you CAN'T use the bathroom, you CAN'T get a drink...
I DON'T want to hear it, please, let me THINK!"

Then, what to my angry blue eyes did appear?
A cat, in a hat, with a box, and a beard?

No, not a cat, nor a hat, box, or beard...
...just another dear friend who was acting quite weird!
The students were awestruck, but still acted absurd,
while I hoped and prayed that my tantrum wasn't heard!

And later this day, what could happen next?
I encountered a teacher, who was really quite vexed.
My students, you see, had not behaved well,
in French class you'd think they'd been under a spell!

They clucked and they snored, while supposed to be singing
their French song, MUSIC, was supposed to be ringing.
One little "angel", smacked her head on the table...
...over and over for as long as she was able.

The French teacher growled as only French teachers do,
while out in the hallway I heard something new.

"Drop and do push-ups!" A teacher did cry,
so I peeked 'round the corner in order to spy.
Her students, how naughty, her patience was gone.
Alas, it was thus through the school since dawn.

So what might come next?  What atrocities wait?
What new evil could befall on tomorrow's date?
We wait and we wonder, while hitting our heads...
...perhaps all the teachers should be put onto meds.

Spiders and Seventh Grade

It's not very often that I give over this blog to the "Big Kids" at my school...the seventh and eighth graders who have a music class with me once a week.  However, today is one of those days!  At the time it was rather embarrassing...but now it's just hilarious!

To set the scene:

Music Class.  End of the Day.  Practicing for the Christmas Concert.

Seventh Grade Girl, a Drama Queen by nature, keeps jumping out of her chair, squealing. Over and over again.

What does a teacher do?  Get frustrated!  And, of course, try to find out what is going on.  She informs me of the following offense.  The seventh grade boy beside her keeps dangling a spider right in front of her.  I tell him to knock it off, tell her to calm down, we carry on.

Only, it doesn't end.  She keeps right on squealing and jumping.  Frankly, I've had enough.  I march over to the boy, fully believing that he is just teasing her, and that there isn't a spider.  I extend my hand and insist that he give me whatever it is that he has.  The whole class freezes.  What will happen?

He opens his hand and drops the item onto my palm.  I look down and scream, tossing the offending item, a brown spider, as far as I can, then order him to "go get it and GET RID OF IT!"

He starts to laugh.  And laugh.  And laugh some more.  The child could hardly breathe as he walked over, picked up the spider...and begins to unravel it.  Yes, the spider was nothing more than some brown thread, tangled and crumpled to resemble a spider.

The class erupts.  Chaos ensues.  Even the "good kids" are just DYING!  I, too, begin to laugh.  What else could I do?

Fortunately, the class was nearly over.  Fifteen minutes of giggles and requests to "do it again, Miss Gerber, in SLOW MOTION!" with helpful reminders of exactly what I  had looked and sounded like was quite enough.

But truly, if I'd thought of it and had thought that I could pull it off?  *sigh*

Ahhhh...the power of suggestion.  And spiders.  And Seventh Grade Boys.